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arranged a marriage for me, a sealing of alliance with a Columbian cartel.
Kirith s voice held a certain bitter remembrance. I was never brave enough
to tell him I was gay. My life was on the edge as it was. So I went with it,
seeing no recourse. His face softened a little. I met Maria.
Landon felt a surge of jealousy run through him at that tone, the obvious
caring that still existed within Kirith for this unknown woman, Laura s
mother obviously. He tried to fight down the feeling, but it made him shift
restlessly, the hand not in Kirith s clenching without his knowledge.
Kirith was oblivious to Landon s reaction, his mind entrenched firmly in
the past.
She was the shyest little thing. He chuckled a little. I think Laura got
her brazenness from me, because Maria was like a little mouse, scared of
everything. His face lost its humor. She was as abused as I was. We made a
good pair. I think I made her happy. Certainly I tried my best. She was so
tiny and so fragile, and was so terrified of men, with good reason, knowing
her father. I was very careful with her, and she seemed to take to me, seemed
to trust me& His voice trailed off with a certain wistfulness.
Landon gritted his teeth.
Laura was born when I was twenty-four. Kirith s face lit up totally at
the memory, and he turned to look at Landon. I will never forget when I first
held her. It was the most wonderful moment of my life. He held his hands
out as if to emphasize what he was trying to describe. She was part of me,
Landon. A little person in her own right, but with me within her. It was
terrifying, and it was amazing at the same time.
Landon reclaimed one of the hands and kissed it, his heart lightening at
the smile Kirith gifted him with. He held on to that hand, needing the
connection. He had the distinct feeling that this had not turned out well.
Maria wasn t present now& not that Landon could wish that she were,
but whatever occurred, it had left great scars upon Kirith, and that was all
that mattered.
It was the happiest time I had known. I could not love her as a husband;
I explained why to her, and I think she was just as comfortable with that. We
had a great friendship. The sex was a little awkward& Kirith gave an
uncomfortable laugh. But we both knew our duties. It was wonderful when
we had Laura, but we knew the expectation was for a son.
Landon tried to imagine how difficult it would be to have to make love
with someone you felt only brotherly affection toward. Awkward would be a
mild word to describe such a situation.
I had a little family, and although our love wasn t what you dream of, it
was simple and clean, when both of us had grown up surrounded by filth.
Kirith paused, his jaw tightening, and Landon gripped his lover s hand
more tightly, feeling that what was to come would not be pleasant.
We were walking& Kirith s voice was soft, with a hitch to it. We were
so happy that day. Three weeks before, we had found out Maria was pregnant
again, and this time it was a boy. For once, my father seemed pleased with
me, producing his first grandson, and Maria and I had high hopes that once
the child was born, we could be free of further interference in our lives. Maria
was talking about going to school, taking some courses in nursing, something
she had always wanted to do.
Kirith s mouth twisted bitterly. I don t really know what happened& one
moment we were walking hand in hand and then& I was shoved to the side,
out of the way, and Maria was thrown in front of a speeding car. His voice
choked off, and Landon could see tears glistening in the growing light.
Landon put his arm around him, drew him close, feeling sickness rise in his
own chest as he thought of what the scene must have been like.
She died in my arms, with our child within her. Kirith could only
whisper now, his face contorted with the emotions that still seemed fresh,
even after so long. Witnesses said that she was pushed, but no one seemed to
have a good description of the man responsible. He wiped at his eyes,
swallowing hard. My father searched long and hard for the culprit, the one
who had stolen his grandchild s life, but even with his vast connections and
wealth, no one was ever found. Kirith drew a deep breath. Why her? Why
not me? I was a Martinelli& If it was some sort of strike at my father, it
should have been me, not an innocent girl and an unborn child.
Landon pulled him closer, his own heart aching at the pain he felt within
Kirith, the pain that still resounded, little dulled by time. No wonder such
sadness dwelt in Kirith s heart. What little happiness he had had been taken
away so brutally.
Kirith sat up straighter, swiping self-consciously at the tears that marked
his face. I went a little crazy, I think, for a time. Enzo took me under his
wing and brought in a martial arts instructor of great renown. It gave me
something to focus on, something to express my anger through, to cleanse
myself first and then begin to heal, learning a sort of inner peace I had never
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