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first man she thought she was in love with. There had been several over the years, each one
successful, confident, handsome and good in bed. So what had gone wrong? What was it that
consigned each of Elizabeth s romantic connections to failure, sooner or later?
When she had engaged in this kind of introspection in the past, which wasn t often, she
invariably blamed the guy, whether directly or indirectly. From the moment she met a man, she
placed a metaphorical set of scales on his shoulders. One side was reserved for his good points,
or, as she thought of them, his assets. The other would tally his weaknesses and failures.
Naturally the scales at first tipped heavily toward his assets, piled like little gold bars on the
positive side. Invariably he would misstep, resulting in a shift in the balance toward the lumps of
lead that weighed heavier than the gold of his merits. It could be something as significant as
standing her up for a date or being a selfish lover, to revealing himself through a careless
comment to be a bigot or a sexist, down something as innocuous as telling a tasteless joke that
fell flat. Though it wasn t something she did consciously, she was merciless in dropping the little
lead weights of his perceived failures onto the scale, until eventually, inevitably, it would tip into
the negative, taking him down in the process.
Now, as she lay in bed alone, contemplating this new man in her life, and the step she was
about to take in their exploration of D/s as a possible alternative lifestyle, she wondered how
long it would be until the scales tipped against Cole.
And then something occurred to her, or rather, it hit her with a sudden, epiphany-like
realization that had the force of a sucker punch to the gut. The reason her past relationships had
all failed sooner or later wasn t because her men fucked up one time too many, but because she d
consigned them to failure from the outset, by definition.
From their inception, each relationship was doomed, because instead of falling in love with
a man, with the whole fallible, imperfect man, she had fallen in love with a set of characteristics
and expectations. Thus it was only a matter of time before the man shouldering her heavy scales
would falter and, in her eyes, fail.
It wasn t them. It was me.
She said this aloud, sitting up suddenly in her bed, the knowledge at once depressing and
exciting her. Depressing because she was forced, for the first time, really, to admit she was the
problem. She was the reason she had spent so many years feeling lonely and disconnected from
others. Excited because she knew this time was different.
Cole Pearson was different.
Or was it that she was different?
Yes, he was certainly the most compelling, exciting man she had ever met. She was
intrigued by everything about him. She found herself responding on the deepest level to the
allure of what he offered, though she didn t yet fully understand the dynamics of a D/s
relationship or how she would handle it when it was no longer a game.
As exciting as it was to contemplate the two-week experiment she was committing herself
to, she recognized this wasn t just about exploring the intensity of experience he promised, or the
thrill of something new.
It was also a new chance. A chance to redefine herself and the way she looked at men and
relationships in general. She didn t have to keep a mental tally and pull the man down, even if
only metaphorically, with the weights of her unspoken demands. She wanted to still herself, to
let their love flow over her without grabbing it and twisting it into a death grip until she choked
the life out of it.
Maybe, she thought to herself with a wry grin, I m growing up.
In his absence, she hadn't been able to resist putting in a ridiculous number of extra hours in
anticipation of her vacation, making sure everything was ready for her two-week hiatus from the
job. Jane and Hank had finally barred her from their offices with a laugh. Come on, Elizabeth.
Give us a chance to do it on our own. We promise we won t destroy the place while you re gone.
Have fun, relax, forget all about us.
She had told them she was going on a two-week cruise. Cole had suggested this, reminding
her he wanted no interruptions from her office during their exploration, as he called it.
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